Surrender 委ねるということ

Photo by Masahiro Masuno

The other day during a session by my friend and a Channeler Simon, I received a message from higher beings. One of the important key of the message was to "Surrender".

In a previous life before this one, it seems like I went through a hard time trying to reconnect the division that was apparent in and outside of myself. I did all possible effort that human mind can hold, tried everything that came across my way. And it continued in this life up until very recent time as well.

"My dear child, it is not difficult at all...It is effortless, it does not need or require anything. Just surrender, surrender, and surrender..."

The voice told me many times the key is to Surrender, to put aside the mind and to know its limitations. I felt as if my heart and mind had become see-through. I had always thought that it is my responsibility and up to my effort if I can get out of misery. I thought Enlightenment is something to be achieved through effort. But it was not true. I just had to give up control, and admit that I was helpless for the Grace to intervene...

Looking back, I did experience this message not by words, but by actual happenings. The first 3 days of the course, I got up at 3am to meditate, which was my sadhana for the last 7 years. I can say I was doing it because I was forced by my own mind ("you have to make an effort or you will never get it!"). I walked to the lecture room, asked the security to open the door, and I actually made it the first 2 days. Then the 3rd day, a few flies and mosquitoes started attacking me while I was trying to settle into a position to meditate.

So I prayed, "Lord, I want to meditate. Please keep these flies and mosquitoes quiet for a while..." Then, to my surprise, they multiplied the number and attacked me even harder. It annoyed me so badly and I was angry. Come on, it is a lecture room! There shouldn't be any of them in here!!! In spite of my wishes and prayers, they never stopped attacking me and I finally gave up to meditate and went back to the room to sleep. It was the first and the last time I ever saw any flies in the lecture room.

So it was the moment I was freed from the force of mind to meditate. I had realized that God was trying to tell me "effort" is not necessary. All I needed to do was to surrender. I still do meditate, but not any more as a mean to achieve something, but because it makes me feel better. I do it only when I really feel like it and only as long as I want to. However, I have to note that it was only when I realized that there is actually nothing I can do on my own and I am helpless, that I could actually surrender to the Supreme Consciousness. Well, even that would have been impossible if God didn't show me like this. It was His Grace to show me to show me, everything is actually His Grace...


先日、友人でありチャネラーであるサイモンのセッションで、あるメッセージを受け取ったのだけれど、その中で、これから鍵となるであろう「委ねる」ということを何度も言われた。

私は、あるハードな過去生で、その内側と外側の分離を何とか統合しようとしてそれはそれは痛々しいほどの努力をして、そして苦しみ続けたらしい。今回も、今までずっと、私はそれを繰り返していたわけだけれど。。。サイモンを通して、「愛しい子よ、これは決して難しいことではないのだよ。努力は要らないのだよ。ただ委ねなさい、全てを委ねるのです。。。」と何度も何度も言われた。まるで見透かされているようだった。苦しみから抜け出すためには、悟りを得るためには、努力をしなければいけない、苦しみは自分で抜け出すもので、悟りは自分で到達するものだと、ずっと思っていたからだ。

そういえば、インドでも、最初の３日間くらい、７年前から始めてほとんど強迫観念のようになっていたTM瞑想を、朝３時に起きてやろうとしたことがあった。講義室まで歩いていって、警備のおじさんに鍵をあけてもらって、最初の２日はちゃんとやれた。でも、３日目にまた行ったら、ハエと蚊がタカって全然だめ。講義室でそんなのありえないはずなのに。。。

だから祭壇にあるパドゥカに向かって、「瞑想したいから、このハエどうにかしてして下さい」ってお祈りをした。すると、何とハエの数が増えて更なる攻撃を加えてくるのではないの・・・！蚊はともかくとして、講義室にハエだなんて。。。（ちなみに講義室でハエに出会ったのは後にも先にもこの時だけ）こんなのありえん！！と半ば怒り気味だったけれど、そうは言っても瞑想を続けることは不可能だったので、多分神様が「努力はいらないのだよ」って言ってくれてるのだろうと勝手に解釈して、とっとと部屋に帰って寝た（笑）。

それ以降のインドでは自分では全く瞑想しなかった。これは瞑想が強迫観念でなくなった瞬間のこと。 今は、瞑想は気が向く時に、やりたい時にやりたい時間だけやっている。もう何かを達成するために努力をしようとする、そのための手段としてではなく、ただ自分の気持ちがいいから。。。祈りの中で自然に瞑想状態に入る事もあるけれど、それはそれでいいだろうと思っている。自分でできることなんて何もないのだと気付いた時に、委ねることができる。ただ、神様がこんな風に示してくれなければ、それさえもどうにもならなかったことだろう。でも、考えてみれば、自分で何もしなくていいなんて、なんて楽チンなんだろう♪これは、かなり楽しくて嬉しいことだ♪